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| Spring 1983, Colorado, my front lawn, 11 Chase St |
Folks called him RL and Bob. His kids called him dad. We almost never used the term "father," as that seemed stuffy. I don't know of anyone that did not like him. When I speak of him with people that knew him, most people tell me that they also miss him and tell me how much they liked him and and something pleasant he did that they remember.
When I hear other people talk about how they didn't like their father, I am always reminded of the gift to me, and his other kids, he was to us. Whenever I needed help, dad was there. Whenever I needed advice, it was "let me call dad." He might have disagreed with me, but I don't think I ever remember him calling me stupid or something else demeaning. No matter what, it always seemed that he could fix whatever was wrong. How he did it I will never know. Plus, as I think about it, I am sure I would not have put up with all the things he put up with.
Not that he didn't get mad and say stuff he later regretted. He did. Did stuff too. Nothing major to us, but to him it seemed to be more important that he "should not have done that." He seemed to worry that he was making a mistake that would not be the best for his kids. One day my mom said, " you are always so good to my kids." His reply was, "well, they are MY kids too." I remember him getting mad at me when I didn't help much to fix his Jeep, that I was using to plow with, making money with it, without paying him much a of profit for it to him, and broke it. I had learned his lesson of run your own business, get customers, bill them, and pay the expenses; but I was resisting the lesson of take care of your equipment and fix it in a cold snow storm lesson. He beat on the bent steel plow blade with his 5 pound hammer and when it was done he threw the hammer into the work shed. Unfortunately, he forgot the door was closed. Went right through the door. Busted it up good. So when he got done, he kind of laughed, and went and fixed the hole in the door. He did tell me that, "if I was going to use it, I had to help fix it. It was only right." He was right. I was acting spoiled, and learned a lesson about business , and doing right too.
I used to get mad at my dad because it was hard to get a promise out of him. Later I realized that it was hard, because, once he promised, "come hell or high water," it was going to happen. I learned it is easy to promise and not do it. It is a lot harder to promise and do it. He promised to do some pretty hard things for me, and he always ended up with it being done-- or me deciding I was wrong and didn't want it after all. More than once I had to ask him to not do it after he had promised. I knew if he promised and I had changed my mind, I had better let him know or he would show up with it done.
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| Sept 2001, OK, splitting wood Fixed the splitter 5 times in 2-days |
Almost everyone will say my dad was a hard worker. He once told me he didn't like working. He could have fooled me. My sister once said his idea of fun was "re-stacking the wood pile." I don't think he ever did anything halfway. When he laid a concrete floor, he put down more concrete and did more "rodding" and "wheeling" than the rest of us combined. Plus he prepared the site, formed it, leveled it, bull floated it, tamped it, and otherwise finished it. Usually he did all that other stuff all by himself- and no one ever complained about the quality as it was always top notch. When he finished one job that day, something others would often take two or more days to do, he often would go setup another job. Then, somehow, he managed to put a new bid in on another one or two jobs. Sometimes, for good measure he would do three jobs in a day. It was hard to keep up with him.
He moved pretty quick. One day he was laughing as he was rearranging things in the back of his truck. I asked him why. He said he going between jobs and had not bothered to put up the tailgate of the truck. He was at a certain intersection with a short light. When it turned green, he dumped the clutch and unloaded the back of the truck right there in the intersection. Of course, he had to dodge traffic while he collected all the tools and didn't take time to arrange it as he threw the stuff back into the bed of the truck. Once he got done with the other job and came home, he was rearranging it so he could find stuff and work better for the next day. He was laughing at himself for the mistake he had made. He told on himself to me and others, but he did always put the tailgate up after that.
When he retired, it was not like other people retire. No golf for him. He would cut wood, split it, and stack it. He would use it to heat the house. He always created more than he needed. He would sell more than he burned. Some don't know that sometimes he would even drop off a load for someone really needing it to keep their house warm and didn't have the money to order it, and didn't ask for anything. I don't think he ever told anyone, he just did it. I knew because sometimes I helped him unload it and noticed he did not ask for a check or, after he died, someone told me that he did it. One guy brought a check to us right after he died because he was doing better and wanted to "right his account some."
My dad grew a garden that some would have thought was a farm. He set up three very large areas, with high fences to keep the "varmints" out, and boy was he proud of his harvest. He had reason to be proud, as it he had a large quantity of highly tasty and fruitful results. But, woe to the squirrel or rabbit that decided to rob the harvest. He usually put up the with birds and even enjoyed them, as he did feed them. But mice and other rodents beware, for you may not be here long if you decided to have dinner in that garden. Run along in the forest, that was OK mister rat, but keep out of my garden...
Now don't get me wrong. Dad liked fun that others of us think is fun too. He used to "whoop" as he rode his horse in his youth, dirt bike in his middle years, and his ATV in his latter years. He went a lot faster in them than I did. Crashed a few times too. Somehow he always was able to fix it and get back on. He even fixed the horse (not that way... he put the shoe back on). He liked to hunt and fish. He knew all the right places to hunt and fish and you never came home empty handed. He liked a good joke, and stated lots of good sayings that I use to this day. For example, "the man told me, ' cheer up, it could be worse,' so I cheered up, and sure enough it got worse;" and "You can always tell who is a lazy man.. He only wants to make one trip;" (-- as he made one trip carrying more than a horse could carry---).
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| 1993, resting w/dogs Rags and Princess and my dog, Marty |
My dad may have not been best dad, but it seemed that he was to my mind. I am sorry I did not buy him a "world best dad" coffee cup. I think he would have liked that and sported it around proudly. Mind you, I doubt he would have said much about it, but I think he would have beamed a smile a bit as he drank his coffee from it. He loved his coffee and a coffee cup would have been the thing for him. Opportunity lost...
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| Wedding day, Christmas 1947 |
He is gone now, but not forgotten. "The good die young," and he was taken from us far to soon. I wish I had taken more pictures of him and gotten copies of a picture of him with his harvest.
So, if I may suggest, go say hello to your dad and spend some time with him. Buy him a "best dad" coffee cup or tee shirt. Your dad might prize it more than you will know.
- Sam Martin
Let me know what you think.
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ReplyDeleteBob was one of the best traders, be it stuff or real estate, that I have ever known. He had the unique ability to look at a property in the present and imagine it twenty years down the road. I told him one time I thought he would trade anything and he explained to me 'Just about but not my kids'. Once I was talking to a guy in Mtn. Home, after Bob died, and he was talking about how he was so impressed with Bob's love of God and The Bible. I said 'Yeah, that would be him'. I am happy to say he was my father-in-law for fifteen years; He helped me replace a car battery on a cold Colorado day, gave me an Easter bunny and then grieved with me when it died. He was truly a wonderful human being.
ReplyDeleteI considered your dad my second dad too. All you said was very true. He took care of his family and me too. I canned 100 quarts of tomatoes for them one year. He watched me and learned how and canned more after I left. He always worked at anything he could do. If he rested, he said he was lazy, and there wasn't a lazy bone in his body. He always cared for all of us. I cried all through the article.
ReplyDeleteI love your reflections about your Dad. You are right; they are so precious to us and we never have them long enough. My dad has a grade school education and can make a living off a flat rock. He's worked a man's job since he was 15 and was forced to leave home. He fought in Korea but never talks about it. He gives advice only when asked. Like your father, he has never been demeaning or said a harsh word to me. He still calls me "Lou girl" and that means the world to me. His mother died when he was six and he doesn't show or receive affection. If he thinks I'm trying to sneak in a hug, he runs off to do "something" urgent. I know he loves me in all the things he does for us (me & my family) be it big or small. He's a man's man, takes responsibility for is actions, pays his bills when they are due and pays cash for everything he buys. If he can't afford it, they wait...a lesson we could all learn from. My Dad is 82 and works like a man one/half his age. His lawn is meticulous -- like your father, he finds something to do during down time. He never lectures; he leads by example. That's my Dad and I'm proud to call him "Daddy." Thank you for sharing about your Dad; sounds like he was totally awesome. It's wonderful to be able to share memories and to know those memories have so many life lessons in them. I'll be thinking of you during the next two months and praying your memories will continue to bring you comfort. Norma Earls Robertson
ReplyDeletehe was a spiritual but pracical man.
ReplyDeleteHeonce suggested we pray overthe groceries before we put them away. thereby we would not forget or waste time doing itagain later!